did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize