if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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