Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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