she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
