this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
