he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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