I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
