we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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