I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Farmville is her only friend.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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