his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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