Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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