You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
