He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just pee around me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
