I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
