go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
