Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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