We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Houston, we have a blender
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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