I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
