it hurts more in the daytime
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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