overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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