currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
