Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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