Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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