I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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