Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
