he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize