i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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