The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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