it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
