i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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