I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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