you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
