you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
