I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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