im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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