if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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