I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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