we're chasing vodka with high fives
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Actions speak louder than pants.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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