Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
