He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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