Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize