just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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