Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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