I can text with my tongue
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
