Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
