I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
ok first of all what the fuck
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
