Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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