Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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