i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
