Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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