You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
