Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
