I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
