How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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