She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
