I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
