I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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