8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
