I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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