just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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