I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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