i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
