I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
