If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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