This is not my ceiling
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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