It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
