i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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