You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
