I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
