Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
