that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
